Fool's Gold
I know I mention it a lot, but I love my family. Here's yet another reason why I think they are some of the most enjoyable people on the planet.
April Fools is a favorite holiday for my mother and my kids. In fact, they've been including the auspicious day in their prayers (please bless that it will get here fast and that we'll laugh all day long). The pressure was on. For my kids I gave them banana splits for breakfast, then taught them the classic French game where you try to stick a fish on someone's back, then yell 'Poisson d'Avril' and laugh hysterically. This game was a hit, except they wanted to say it in English, and somehow 'Fish of April' is just not as funny.
But I digress. The real story, the real blog post here is the one you're wondering about. Why on earth is there a picture of a man in a yellow speedo running through the house???
Let me 'splain.
For the last 20 years, my mother has had a scapegoat. Diet Coke open in her cart at the store? Wasn't her, it was the Man in the Yellow Speedo (MITYS). Bag of chips consumed? Him again. He was the convenient answer to any bad behavior she didn't want to fess up to. This MITYS has been confusing poor innocent checkers at grocery stores all over the west for many years.
Thanks to my amazing sister Andrea, her intrepid husband Tyler, and the awesome purchasing power of Amazon, the MITYS was able to make his first live appearance.
We had just bowed our heads for the prayer of our wacky dinner where we have to eat spaghetti and salad with crazy kitchen utensils, when the MITYS burst through the back door, snatched up the pot of spaghetti, and disappeared through the front door. It all happened in a flash; all I had time for was a shot from behind. Perhaps that's best, though, for everyone involved!
I think my favorite part was watching him stash the pot in the garage, grab his pre-hidden ratty bathrobe, and run up the street at lightening speed, barefoot. Only Tyler.
The kids were a bit mystified by the whole thing, but they didn't let that dampen their enthusiasm for eating spaghetti (recovered from the garage) with whisks and beaters.
Labels: family, funny
Campaign promises
Hazel informed me today that she will NOT be voting for Barack Obama. Her reason??
He plans to abolish YouTube, and she really likes
Baby Jane sings and
Charlie bit me. Since she is decidedly FOR YouTube, she is now anti-Barack.
Apparently she heard this from my sister Stephanie, who denies having discussed politics of any kind with my six year old.
One can only wonder about the evil plans McCain is cooking up. A take down of the Magic Kingdom, perhaps? Or maybe abolishing PBS morning cartoons? Darn politicians!
Labels: funny, Kids
Parsley, sage, rosemary or thyme--take your pick!
We went to a fabulous homeschool Olympic activity. Hazel and Chloe made friends with a new little girl, and her mom and I hit it off also. My girls played with her little Sage, and we made plans for a playdate.
In the car, Hazel sighed contentedly. "Mom, I'm so glad I met my new friend Chives."
Me, "Do you mean Sage?"
Hazel, nonchalantly, "Hmm, I knew she was some kind of herb!"
Labels: funny, Kids
Trying to catch up
Ummm, is this blog still working?? I am actually still here, even though my blog doesn't reflect that. This summer is just rocketing past, and I'm trying desperately to hang on for the ride. Does anyone else feel that way? That instead of a nice, leisurely relaxing summer, there's just a constant whirlwind of activities and vacations and just plain
stuff. I can't keep up.
So some updates. I just don't know where to start!! It's been a packed couple of weeks. We spent a wonderful day at the Alpine Slides in the mountains. I hung out with the baby while all the kids went down the big old slide. Very very expensive--can they really charge 20 bucks for that?? But good times. My darling sister Steph was there and my cute cousin from Austin.
Parties everywhere, a wonderful fabulous 4th of July, then the next morning on a plane to Northern California. Steve's family is there, and it was so fabulous to see them and show off our little Samuel. Steve's brother and his wife had their first baby 10 days before Samuel was born. The two babies got to meet--2 adorable little newborn guys side by side? Priceless.
We spent a couple of days hanging out in San Francisco. Steve lived there before we got married, and he can never get enough of the city. My sister Steph came with us to nanny, and I have to highly endorse bringing someone along if you happen to be traveling with 4 children six and under. That made it actually doable. Steph, Steve and Hazel spent a day thrifting and poking in some of the fun funky shops. Hazel, who's six, suddenly morphed into a teenage shopaholic. "Steph, this is
so you! It is
adorable. You
have to try this on!!!"
Can't you just hear the italics? Too funny. While they shopped, the littles napped then we hit Union Square to chase the pigeons. Ice cream makes it even more fun!
Fisherman's Wharf and a visit to the sea lions. The little dress Hazel is wearing is one that they found at a cute little vintage shop.
So I can remember them for posterity--some of my favorite kid moments from the last few weeks.
I was dressing Samuel, and Calvin became fascinated with his chest. He asked Hazel what they were, and she told him they were nipples. Calvin grew very thoughtful. "Mom, Nipples do NOT fly airplanes!!"
Truer words were never spoken. Although we did decide that with a strategic piercing, you just might be able to make it happen.
Chloe got hurt one night on the trip. It was at the end of a long day, and she was just tired. I hugged her, then offered to go sit in between my two big girls. She sniffled and two big tears rolled down her face. "Mom, I just don't feel like I want to be a big girl right now!"
Calvin asked me if I was "having the feelings". What feelings?, I asked. "The feelings of having your toes fall off." Umm, pretty sure I'm not having those feelings, buddy.
Tomorrow is my sweet Chloe's birthday. We've got big plans for her party, and I'll post some pictures to show off my amazing sister Andrea's party skillz. It's going to be so dang cute!!
Labels: funny, Kids, vacation
Time warp to 1977
Hazel got to watch Oprah the other day. No, it's not on the list of regularly approved shows, but we were at my Mother-in-laws, and the entire Osmond family was on, and well...it seemed pretty harmless. Well, Hazel has a crush. A crush on Donny Osmond. On the radio this morning, Donny did some kind of a little segment, and she was over the moon. For the next 45 minutes, all she could say was, "Donny Osmond, Donny and Marie!" over and over. Just ask
Sarah--we were cracking up!
Well, I guess I can say that I'm grateful it's not Justin Timberlake or the Cheetah Girls or anything like that, but seriously, Donny Osmond??
Labels: funny, Kids
Prayers
Calvin has all kinds of random fears. Like scary handsome prince capes, or having his favorite sandals taken off his feet, or the dark. Big time fear of the dark. Since he's all of two, I'm humoring most of these. He sleeps with his light on in his room--no nightlights will do, no sir. Overhead light or no sleeping!! I'll switch it off as I'm heading to bed and he'll sit straight up and yell, "HEY!! LIGHT ON!!"
Oh well. Some battles aren't worth fighting at the moment.
But we were all staying in a hotel the other night, and really needed the light off in order for the girls to be able to go to bed. So as I was helping him say his prayers, I asked that Calvin would be able to turn off the light. He always parrots back exactly what I tell him, so I thought this might work. Kid has a mind of his own! As he repeated back my phrases, he came to that one and did some swift editing. "Calwin, lights...ON!"
Labels: Calvin, funny
Movie quotes from a 4 year old
This will only be funny to a few people, I imagine, and I already told two of them (Hi, Mom and Drea!!!). But I've gotta preserve this one for posterity, so up it goes on the blog.
My girls are getting into the Christmas spirit early with repeated viewings of White Christmas.
Chloe was playing some little game with her dolls and Hazel asked if she could play, too.
Chloe replied, "But Hazel, I do a single!"
Labels: funny, Kids
A bed of cards
Hazel was stretching on my bed and musing on the mysteries of things.
H:"Mom, is my bed a jack?"
Me: "????????"
H: "You know, you have a king, Grandma has a queen, so I guess I must have a jack bed."
Labels: funny
Repent, Mom!
Last night, putting the kids to bed for about the 17th time, I lost it. No more nice mommy. I hollered at them, "I'm tired of this!!! GET in bed and stay there no matter what!!!!"
Well, my Chloe doesn't enjoy my yelling so much, She (predictably) collapsed into a little heap and looked up at me defiantly. "God is ANGRY with you, Mommy!! You need to be nice to your children! God and Jesus are MAD!"
Wrath of God, wrath of a four year old, I've got it on all sides.
Labels: funny
Getting to know you...
We've been on a quest lately to get to know people in our neighborhood a little better. To that end, we invited three families over for dessert last night. So we had the eight adults and our combined thirteen children over.
The day before, I'd hung some laundry up on the deck railing to dry, and asked Steve to retrieve it when it was dry. I didn't pay much attention to the pile of dry laundry. Unfortunately.
While all the adults were socializing upstairs on the deck, Steve sidled over to me and in a sideways whisper relayed the following: "Your bra is on the grass downstairs!"
Sure enough, smack dab in the middle of the yard, where all the children were playing and right underneath our guests--my big old brassiere.
If the goal was for the neighbors to get to know us better--mission accomplished!!
Labels: funny
Reptilian theology
Hazel posed the question, "How old is God?"
We answered with talk of His eternal nature and so on.
....long pause....
"God is a turtle?????"
Labels: funny
He made a wrong turn around the belly button, I guess
My kids never really adjusted to East Coast time, so they were up late every night and slept in each morning. But no one had as much trouble as Calvin.
One night in particular, the young angel
would not settle down. He ran and giggled and jumped and chattered and poked at his sleeping sisters. My mom took him down to the lobby to let him run off his energy, and run he did! The kid was wound up like a clock until 1:30 in the morning!
Every few minutes the shuttle bus would drop off a group of people coming home after a night in the city. They'd coo and laugh at my little man, and chuckle as they went to bed. One lady summed up the situation very succinctly.
"Did that Sandman make a mistake and put the sand up your a**??"
Yup. Pretty much.
Labels: funny
Think I can hold her to it?
Chloe obsesses over her birthday parties. We talk about potential themes, guest lists, and decorations ad nauseum, and all starting months before the actual event.
Today, in the spirit of getting a jump on future events, Chloe informed me that she wants a pirate treasure hunt party for her 16th birthday.
Ahoy there mateys, it's me sweet sixteen!!
Labels: funny, Kids
Alrighty then
Recently overheard, mid-tantrum:
"But I waaaant to go to the dentist RIGHT NOW!!!!!"
Odd children, these.
Labels: funny, Kids
A place of his own
The boy was silent for a few minutes, and I couldn't see him anywhere. A bad sign. I went on a Calvin hunt, and this is where I found him.
Cozied up in the garbage can, munching contraband jelly beans.
Labels: Calvin, funny
All the titles I can think of are saccreligious, so I won't go there.
Last night was Family Home Evening. We have a little lesson, sing some songs, eat some treats. All very fun and everyone loves it. So last night's lesson was about the life of Christ and the resurrection--you know, getting ready for Easter.
Our opening song was "Jesus is Risen". After we sang it, I asked Hazel if she knew what we were singing about.
"Ummm, Jesus has rhythm??"
Labels: funny
On pacifiers and pirates
During chore time this morning we were livening things up with a slight pirate theme. I was the captain, giving the orders and they were busy swabbing the deck and getting the house ship-shape. There was pirate-y lingo in the air, and things were generally merry.
Here's a little inserted tangent, but I'll pick up the story line in a moment and weave things together into a harmonious resolution.
Since my girls are a bit odd, they have this obsession over pacifiers. Wouldn't take them when they were babies, no. But now that they are 5 and 3, pacifiers are fascinating, coveted objects. They beg for them each time we're in the store, and I always refuse. So yesterday I slipped some into the cart without them looking.
Back to the story line.
My little pirates were behaving wonderfully, so I rewarded them with some piratey bootie. Pacifiers for everyone!!
Chloe joyfully sucked on hers and exclaimed, "Now I'm a baby pirate, Aaaarggh waaa waa waa!!"
Hazel said that now they could "crawl the plank."
I love being a mom.
Labels: funny, Kids
5 going on 17
We were just having Family Home Evening about going to the temple. I asked the girls what they needed to do to prepare to go there. (For those who don't know, the temple is where Mormons get married, and only practicing Mormons are able to enter, as it is a sacred place). I was fishing for answers like read your scriptures, pray, be kind, etc.
So Hazel's first answer about what to do to prepare?
"Get big, put on lipstick, be pretty, go on a date, kiss, then go to the temple."
Well, that's one way of preparing!!
Labels: funny, Kids
What else is she storing in there?
At a restaurant with my kids and sisters the other night, Chloe announced that her leg was very thirsty, so could she please have some water? We relayed this to the server, but somehow she forgot. Well, pretty soon BOTH Chloe's legs were thirsty.
The server brought her two cups of water, one for each thirsty leg.
Labels: funny, Kids
Santa doesn't like crustaceans
The girls were talking to me about my Christmas present. Chloe informed me that I'm
not getting a lobster, because 'dey pinch.'
Dang it!
Then she let me know that I won't be getting a shark (dey bite) or a river otter, since they splash.
Now that the lobster, shark, and river otter are off my list, what can I possibly be getting for Christmas??
Labels: funny, Kids
